Does a wife have to submit to her husband?

Submission is a very important issue in relation to marriage. Even before sin entered the world, there was still the principle of headship (1 Timothy 2:13). Adam was created first, and Eve was created to be a “helper” for Adam (Genesis 2:18-20). At the same time, since there was no sin, there was no authority for man to obey except God’s authority. When Adam and Eve disobeyed God, sin entered the world, and then authority was needed. Therefore, God established the authority needed to enforce the laws of the land and also to provide us with the protection we need. First, we need to submit to God, which is the only way we can truly obey Him (James 1:21; 4:7). In 1 Corinthians 11:2-3, we find that the husband is to submit to Christ as Christ did to God. Then the verse says that the wife should follow his example and submit to her husband.

Submission is a natural response to loving leadership. When a husband loves his wife as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25-33), then submission is a natural response from a wife to her husband. The Greek word translated “submit,” hupotasso, is the continuing form of the verb. This means that submitting to God, the government, or a husband is not a one-time act. It is a continual attitude, which becomes a pattern of behavior. The submission talked about in Ephesians 5 is not a one-sided subjection of a believer to a selfish, domineering person. Biblical submission is designed to be between two Spirit-filled believers who are mutually yielded to each other and to God. Submission is a two-way street. Submission is a position of honor and completeness. When a wife is loved as the church is loved by Christ, submission is not difficult. Ephesians 5:24 says, “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” This verse is saying that the wife is to submit to her husband in everything that is right and lawful. Therefore, the wife is under no obligation to disobey the law or God in the name of submission.

Matthew Henry wrote: “The woman was made out of Adam’s side. She was not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved.” Believers are to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:21). In context, everything in Ephesians 5:19-33 is a result of being filled with the Spirit. Spirit-filled believers are to be worshipful (5:19), thankful (5:20), and submissive (5:21). Paul then follows his line of thought on Spirit-filled living and applies it to husbands and wives in verses 22-33. A wife should submit to her husband, not because women are inferior, but because that is how God designed the marital relationship to function. Submission is not a wife’s being a “doormat” for her husband. Rather, with the help of the Holy Spirit, a wife submits to her husband, and a husband sacrificially loves his wife.

Tribute to Christian Wives and Womanhood

Proverbs is a book based on metaphor. It is packed with word-pictures of  universal truths. Throughout Proverbs, wisdom is anthropomorphized as a woman.  As early as Proverbs  1:20, wisdom is compared to a woman who shouts in the streets, chastising  fools and scoffers. Proverbs 31 provides a detailed metaphor of feminine wisdom  in the context of a family and a community.

The most quoted section,  verse 10-31, is a chiastic poem, that is, a poem that cycles through alternating  thoughts. The chapter speaks of the worth of a good wife to her husband, the  manual labor that she does, her fulfillment of responsibilities to those who  need her, her ability to provide for her family, and her wisdom in caring for  herself so she can share her strength with others. These ideas are presented in  a kind of circular pattern throughout the section.

The chapter begins  with King Lemuel recounting advice his mother had given him. She exhorted him to  not fall to weaknesses that would compromise his position as king, but to care  for the poor. One of the weaknesses she mentioned was the susceptibility of his  strength—or “noble character” (31:10)—to be harmed by improper relationships  with women. Although verses 10-31 do not directly follow this warning in the  original, they do illustrate a fitting description of what kind of woman Lemuel  should seek.

¹⁰An excellent wife, who can  find?
For her worth is far above  jewels.
¹¹The heart of her husband trusts in  her,
And he will have no lack of  gain.
¹²She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.

A  good, supportive, trusting wife is a blessing to a man. A woman who partners  with her husband, who is reliable, and looks out for his interests, gives a man  a security that is greatly lacking in the world. She is worth more than a  substantial paycheck. To bring in the metaphor, wisdom provides the same  benefits—it is worth more than money, you can always trust it to make the right  decision, and it provides blessings for those who have it.

¹³She looks for wool and flax,
And works with her hands in  delight…
¹⁹She stretches out her hands to the  distaff,
And her hands grasp the  spindle…
²⁷She looks well to the ways of her  household,
And does not eat the  bread of idleness.

The wife of Proverbs 31 isn’t afraid of work. She  gets up in the morning and gets things done. In the time of Solomon, this  involved making fabric and sewing clothes, but verse 27 certainly applies  directly to us today—taking care of our responsibilities is a characteristic of  wisdom.

¹⁵She rises also while it is still  night
And gives food to her  household
And portions to her  maidens…
²¹She is not afraid of the snow for her  household,
For all her household  are clothed with scarlet.
²⁰She extends her  hand to the poor,
And she  stretches out her hands to the needy.

Another characteristic of wisdom  is the grace to help others. The Proverbs 31 wife ensures that those under her  care receive what they need—food, clothing, protection. And she is able to serve  others out of the excess of her work and the leaning of her heart. She has so  internalized her role as a provider that it extends past her immediate  responsibilities and into the community.

¹⁴She is like merchant ships;
She brings her food from  afar…
¹⁶She considers a field and buys it;
From her earnings she plants a  vineyard…
¹⁸She senses that her gain is  good;
Her lamp does not go out at  night…
²⁴She makes linen garments and sells  them,
And supplies belts to the  tradesmen.

Beyond that, she’s very savvy. She’s educated about the world  and the world of business. She knows how to use her skills to provide for her  family, and she’s not afraid to go interact with that world, whether it be as a  merchant or a buyer. She knows how to use her strengths to her best advantage,  and she fully realizes how valuable her efforts are.

¹⁷She girds herself with strength
And makes her arms  strong…
²²She makes coverings for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and  purple.
²⁵Strength and dignity are her  clothing,
And she smiles at the  future.
²⁶She opens her mouth in wisdom,
And the teaching of kindness is on  her tongue.

The Proverbs 31 woman not only knows her worth, she knows  her responsibilities to herself. She would not be able to provide for others if  she neglected her needs—both physical and spiritual. She makes sure her  appearance reflects her respected position as an influence in her community. Her  greatest strength is her wisdom—her accurate judgment about the world and her  influence in it. And she is quick to share the wisdom she has gained to  encourage others to reach their potential.

²³Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the  land…
²⁸Her children rise up and bless her;
Her husband also, and he praises her,  saying:
²⁹“Many daughters have done nobly,
But you excel them all.”
³⁰Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she  shall be praised.
³¹Give her the product of  her hands,
And let her works  praise her in the gates.

She knows that, as a partner in her marriage,  she has a tremendous influence on her husband’s ministry. She can integrate her  life—both domestic and professional—with her ministry in such a way that her  husband has the freedom to serve. In fact, her reputation is so established,  that it bleeds off onto him.

The Proverbs 31 wife is a fierce provider  and protector for those she cares about. She is wise to the ways of the world,  but lives by the wisdom of God. As in the rest of the Proverbs, these specific  examples provide a metaphor for the larger truth. How any individual woman  exemplifies these characteristics will depend on her situation, gifts, and  abilities. The key is in verse 30, just as it is in the beginning of Proverbs,  in 1:7:

But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be  praised.